If you're lucky, you don't think in a straight line.

You need to eat, but you don't really need to eat filet mignon every night or buy bottles of champagne at a thousand a pop.

I hope the guy who came up with the phrase 'sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll' rots in hell, I'd like to change it so it makes more sense: 'sex death and rock 'n' roll'

When I meet a woman, I don't think, 'Gee, I wonder if she's read the latest thesis by Stephen Hawking? I think, 'Great tits.'

Get rid of the friends who want you to spend your whole day doing nothing with them. They're not your friends. They're your enemies.

You and I and everyone else have the attention span of gnats. And that means that saying or doing anything once simply doesn't work.

I'd like to think that the boring lady who's talking to me now is a lot sexier and more interesting than the one who's doing NPR. You know, studious and reserved, and - I bet you're a lot of fun at a party.