If you're lucky, you don't think in a straight line.

I know that you like to see a man in the kitchen, but I'm skeptical of men who cook. A man should be focusing his attention on the woman, and not what's on the stove.

Why is it that most of the folks I know think "personal growth" is caused entirely by those second and third helpings of biscuits and gravy?

I'm in a weird band. We've done very well. The American Dream is alive and well.

I think that Shakespeare is a s***. Absolute s***! He may have been a genius for his time, but I just can't relate to that stuff. "Thee and thous" - the guy sounds like a faggot.

Despite what your girlfriend may have told you, size is important, bigger is better.

Never negotiate with kids. They don't have life experience, and they don't have repercussions for bad decisions; they still get fed and housed.