A happy family is but an earlier heaven.

A man has no business to marry a woman who can't make him miserable. It means she can't make him happy.

It is assumed that the woman must wait, motionless, until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

My situation is a solemn one: life is offered to me on the condition of eating beefsteaks. But death is better than cannibalism. My will contains directions for my funeral, which will be followed, not by mourning coaches, but by oxen, sheep, flocks of poultry, and a small traveling aquarium of live fish, all wearing white scarves in honor of the man who perished rather than eat his fellow creatures. It will be, without the exception of Noah's Ark, the most remarkable thing of its kind ever seen.

There is nothing on earth intended for innocent people so horrible as a school.