Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.

The whole strength of England lies in the fact that the enormous majority of the English people are snobs.

When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most."

As an old soldier, I admit the cowardice: it's as universal as seasickness, and matters just as little.

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

Perhaps I had better inform my Protestant readers that the famous Dogma of Papal Infallibility is by far the most modest pretension of the kind in existence. Compared with our infallible democracies, our infallible medical councils, our infallible astronomers, our infallible judges, and our infallible parliaments, the Pope is on his knees in the dust confessing his ignorance before the throne of God, asking only that as to certain historical matters on which he has clearly more sources of information open to him than anyone else his decision shall be taken as final.

Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.