Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesmen.

Opera is when a tenor and soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone.

Laws, religions, creeds, and systems of ethics, instead of making society better than its best unit, make it worse than its average unit, because they are never up to date.

Perhaps you know some well-off families who do not seem to suffer from their riches. They do not overeat themselves; they find occupations to keep themselves in health; they do not worry about their position; they put their money into safe investments and are content with a low rate of interest; and they bring up their children to live simply and do useful work. But this means that they do not live like rich people at all, and might therefore just as well have ordinary incomes.

The British churchgoer prefers a severe preacher because he thinks a few home truths will do his neighbors no harm.

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

It is nearly 50 years since I was assured by a conclave of doctors that if I did not eat meat I should die of starvation.