Well, upon my soul! You are not ashamed to stand there and confess yourself a disgusting drunkard.

If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.

The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

You don't expect me to know what to say about a play when I don't know who the author is, do you? . . . If it's by a good author, it's a good play, naturally. That stands to reason.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

The novelties of one generation are only the resuscitated fashions of the generation before last.

The only power a god can teach is the power of doing without happiness.