I wish people would stop talking about my birthday.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

I was convinced that Ceylon is the cradle of the human race because everybody there looks an original. All other nations are obviously mass produced.

I can think of no other edifice constructed by man as altruistic as a lighthouse. They were built only to serve.

There is a disease to which plays as well as men become liable with advancing years. In men it is called doting, in plays dating.The more topical the play the more it dates.

Though all society is founded on intolerance, all improvement is founded on tolerance.

You can rave about Stravinsky without the slightest risk of being classified as a lunatic by the next generation .