The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

An idea that no one believes can not be proved too often.

I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way: by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could.

The greatest thing in life is to die young - but delay it as long as possible.

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist.

You must all know half a dozen people at least who are no use in this world, who are more trouble than they are worth. Just put them there and say Sir, or Madam, now will you be kind enough to justify your existence? If you can't justify your existence, if you're not pulling your weight in the social boat, if you're not producing as much as you consume or perhaps a little more, then, clearly, we cannot use the organizations of our society for the purpose of keeping you alive, because your life does not benefit us and it can't be of very much use to yourself.

Unless comedy touches me as well as amuses me, it leaves me with a sense of having wasted my evening. I go to the theatre to be moved to laughter, not to be tickled or bustled into it.