Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children.

With the single exception of Homer, there is no eminent writer, not even Sir Walter Scott, whom I can despise so entirely as I despise Shakespeare when I measure my mind against his. . . . It would positively be a relief to me to dig him up and throw stones at him.

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

Orchestras only need to be sworn at, and a German is consequently at an advantage with them, as English profanity, except in America, has not gone beyond a limited technology of perdition.

Grain by grain, a loaf. Stone upon stone, a palace.

Only fools repeat the same things over and over, expecting to obtain different results.

If I refuse to allow my leg to be amputated, its mortification and my death may prove that I was wrong; but if I let the leg go, nobody can ever prove that it would not have mortified had I been obstinate. Operation is therefore the safe side for the surgeon as well as the lucrative side.