Only fools repeat the same things over and over, expecting to obtain different results.

Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.

I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will.

[Chess] is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever, when they are only wasting their time.

The most intolerable pain is produced by prolonging the keenest pleasure.

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.

Defeatism is the wretchedest of policies.