The chief objection to playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

Dogmatic toleration is nonsense: I would no more tolerate the teaching of Calvinism to children if I had power to persecute it than the British Raj tolerated suttee in India. Every civilized authority must draw a line between the tolerable and the intolerable.

We must not stay as we are, doing always what was done last time; or we shall stick in the mud.

Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.

I can't talk religion to a man with bodily hunger in his eyes.

Make me a beautiful word for doing things tomorrow; for that surely is a great and blessed invention.