I don't like that The Simpsons are spokespeople for Burger King and MasterCard and Butterfinger. In the first Gulf War, I was really upset that the Simpsons characters were being drawn on tanks and bombs. But those are things that I don't control.

Men often struggle with their attraction to other women. They don't quite understand why they have to be with the same woman forever.

Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did!

Experience as much as you can and absorb a lot of reality. Otherwise, your writing will have the force of a Wiffle ball.

When people have no interest in a subject, it's very hard to get them to laugh about it. If I had to write ten jokes about potholders, I don't think I could do it. But I could write ten jokes about Catholicism in the next twenty minutes.

The most oblivious people are often the happiest.

I have nothing but respect for the purist who won't work for the pharaoh. But I'm not that strong.