On the Continent stray cats are judged individually on their merit-some are loved, some are only respected; in England they are universally worshipped as in ancient Egypt.

English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists.

There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.

The English are always ready to admire anything so long as they can queue up.

In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.