It is fatal to look hungry. It makes people want to kick you.

People talk about the horrors of war, but what weapon has a man invented that even approaches in cruelty some of the commoner diseases? 'Natural' death, almost by defintion, means something slow, smelly and painful.

The consequences of every act are included in the act itself.

Circus dogs jump when the trainer cracks his whip.

And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop than at a curate.

The more intelligent, the less sane

Politically, Swift was one of those people who are driven into a sort of perverse Toryism by the follies of the progressive party of the moment.