I might inform those humanitarians who have a nightmare of new and needless babies (for some humanitarians have that sort of horror of humanity) that if the recent decline in the birth-rate were continued for a certain time, it might end in there being no babies at all; which would console them very much.

By experts in poverty I do not mean sociologists, but poor men.

...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a luminous nose...to the child it is sufficiently strange and humorous to have a nose at all.

The mind that finds its way to wild places is the poet's; but the mind that never finds its way back is the lunatic's.

If you know what a man's doing, get in front of him; but if you want to guess what he's doing keep behind him.

The evolutionists seem to know everything about the missing link except the fact that it is missing.

Children are grateful when Santa Claus puts in their stockings gifts of toys or sweets. Could I not be grateful to Santa Claus when he put in my stockings the gift of two miraculous legs? We thank people for birthday presents of cigars and slippers. Can I thank no one for the birthday present of birth?