When we look upon lives so human and yet so small, we feel as if we ourselves were enlarged to an embarrassing bigness of stature. We feel the same kind of obligation to these creatures that a deity might feel if he had created something that he could not understand.

I might inform those humanitarians who have a nightmare of new and needless babies (for some humanitarians have that sort of horror of humanity) that if the recent decline in the birth-rate were continued for a certain time, it might end in there being no babies at all; which would console them very much.

A businessman is the only man who is forever apologizing for his occupation.

The sort of man who admires Italian art while despising Italian religion is a tourist and a cad.

Life is serious all the time, but living cannot be. You may have all the solemnity you wish in your neckties, but in anything important (such as sex, death, and religion), you must have mirth or you will have madness.

Jesus promised his disciples three things—that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble.

To complain that I could only be married once was like complaining that I had only been born once.