When you choose the path, you choose the destination.

People like me took Donald Trump literally, but never seriously. But his supporters took him seriously and not literally.

What is the point of competing for a trophy if everyone gets a trophy?

If I'm ever in a weird car accident, or I commit suicide or something, after the media stops celebrating my death, could they check into it? Because I'm not suicidal. And I'm a pretty good driver.

Al Gore’s not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. You got to have an enemy to fight. And when you have an enemy to fight, then you can unite the entire world behind you, and you seize power. That was Hitler’s plan. His enemy: the Jew. Al Gore’s enemy, the U.N.’s enemy: global warming.

You can get rich making fun of me. I know. I've made lots of money making fun of me.

When the balance of power is right and the government is right sized, California still can be California. It can be, in my opinion, as crazy as it wants to be. And Texas, in other's opinion, can be as crazy as it wants to be. But we're still brothers in the union.