I don't see us winning the war. We have made enemies of one billion Muslims.

The real writer learns nothing from life. He is more like an oyster or a sponge.

Some of my father's fellow West Pointers once asked him why I turned out so well, his secret in raising me. And he said, "I never gave him any advice, and he never asked for any." We agreed on nothing, but we never quarreled once.

I deny that there's such a thing as a gay person. I deny there's such a thing as a heterosexual person.

Although drugs are immoral and must be kept from the young, thousands of schools pressure parents to give the drug Ritalin to any lively child who may, sensibly, show signs of boredom in his classroom. Ritalin renders the child docile if not comatose. Side effects? "Stunted growth, facial tics, agitation and aggression, insomnia, appetite loss, headaches, stomach pains and seizures." Marijuana would be far less harmful.

There are a great many people who have a vested interest in maintaining the stupidity of the American public.

Astronauts: rotarians in outer space.