The first mistake is trying to explain morality to a terrorist. Like trying to teach a rock to drive. It is impossible.

The thing which Reagan did, which was great, was he won the people. He marginalized the media. And that's what you need, an intellectual agility.

[In] 2010, Woody Allen said that he felt Barack Obama should be a dictator so that he could get things done, and the first thing obviously that Woody Allen wanted done is to make it legal to have sex with stepdaughters.

I don't like the way my hair looks, so we're going to do the whole show over.

The metric system was designed to get people to enter charity runs.Do you think you would go run a 3.1 mile race? No, but if somebody says, hey, 5 km. You go, 5km sounds pretty impressive.

People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy.

Celebrities are the doormats to power.