The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years.

What begins as a Utopian vision, always - always - ends in bloodshed. Because you have to force a utopia on a free people. Free people want to pursue their own happiness, but a one-size-fits-all approach requires herding the free, against their will, into the state's idea of what's right. Then it's not utopia.

The government is controlling your mind through chem trails, we all know this is true.

When the government sees a poor area, its solution is to move the poor out.

I don't know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here's a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.

I would like to see a president with a monocle.

Let's be clear about what people never say about Playboy on television. It was nothing more than an instrument for onanism. That's what it was. And the Internet co-opted that industry of self- gratification. There is no necessity for lonely men or teenagers to use Playboy. It turns out no one bought that magazine for the articles ever; it was used for only one thing.