The only way that a government can provide for jobs for all citizens is by deciding what every man should do.

Never underestimate the bad taste of the American public

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.

Women have a hard time of it in this world. They are oppressed by man-made laws, man-made social customs, masculine egoism, the delusion of masculine superiority. Their one comfort is the assurance that, even though it may be impossible to prevail against man, it is always possible to enslave and torture a man.

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

That it should still be necessary, at this late stage in the senility of the human race to argue that women have a fine and fluent intelligence is surely an eloquent proof of the defective observation, incurable prejudice, and general imbecility of their lords and masters.

Never drink if you've got any work to do. Never.