Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly.

Socialism: nothing more than the theory that the slave is always more virtuous than his master.

When I hear artists or authors making fun of businessmen, I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks.

If x is the population of the United States and y is the degree of imbecility of the average American, then democracy is the theory that x times y is less than y

Debussy--A pretty girl with one blue eye and one brown one.

All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.

A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition.