The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.

The chief business of the nation, as a nation, is the setting up of heroes, mainly bogus.

Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.

Why do men delight in work? Fundamentally, I suppose, because there is a sense of relief and pleasure in getting something done - a kind of satisfaction not unlike that which a hen enjoys on laying an egg.

There is in writing the constant joy of sudden discovery, of happy accident.

Setting aside the vast herd which shows no definable character at all, it seems to me that the minority distinguished by what is commonly regarded as an excess of sin is very much more admirable than the minority distinguished by an excess of virtue. My experience of the world has taught me that the average wine-bibbler is a far better fellow than the average prohibitionist, and that the average rogue is better company than the average poor drudge, and that the worst white-slave trader of my acquaintance is a decenter man than the best vice crusader.

The American people, I am convinced, really detest free speech. At the slightest alarm they are ready and eager to put it down.