The physical business of writing is unpleasant to me, but the psychic satisfaction of discharging bad ideas in worse English makes me forget it.

[T]here is only one sound argument for democracy, and that is the argument that it is a crime for any man to hold himself out as better than other men, and, above all, a most heinous offense for him to prove it.

Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.

Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong. All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant.

The ideal way to get rid of any infectious disease would be to shoot instantly every person who comes down with it.

Christian endeavor is notoriously hard on female pulchritude.

Unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency should be quietly hanged as a matter of public sanitation and decorum.