Who ever heard, indeed, of an autobiography that was not (interesting)? I can recall none in all the literature of the world

Christian endeavor is notoriously hard on female pulchritude.

All I ask is equal freedom. When it is denied, as it always is, I take it anyhow.

I do not believe in democracy, but I am perfectly willing to admit that it provides the only really amusing form of government ever endured by mankind.

The seasick passenger on an ocean liner detests the good sailor who stalks past him 265 times a day grandly smoking a large, greasy cigar. In precisely the same way the democrat hates the man who is having a better time in the world. This is the origin of democracy. It is also the origin of Puritanism.

War is the only sport which is genuinely amusing. And it is the only sport which has any intelligible use.

Osteopath--One who argues that all human ills are caused by the pressure of hard bone upon soft tissue. The proof of his theory isto be found in the heads of those who believe it.