Creator: A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

It is not the drinker, but the man who has just stopped drinking, who thinks the world is going to the dogs.

It is difficult to believe that even idiots ever succumbed to such transparent contradictions, to such gaudy processions of mere counter-words, to so vast and obvious a nonsensicalitysentence after sentence that has no apparent meaning at all--stuff quite as bad as the worst bosh of Warren Gamaliel Harding.

The true function of art is to criticize, embellish and edit nature… the artist is a sort of impassioned proof-reader, blue penciling the bad spelling of God.

The notion that anything is gained by fixing a language in a groove is cherished only by pedants.

The Old Testament, as everyone who has looked into it is aware, drips with blood; there is, indeed, no more bloody chronicle in all the literature of the world.

When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.