Fame: an embalmer trembling with stage fright.

The difference between the smartest dog and the stupidest man - say a Tennessee Holy Roller - is really very small.

Happiness is peace after strife, the overcoming of difficulties, the feeling of security and well-being. The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

Bridges would not be safer if only people who knew the proper definition of a real number were allowed to design them.

It is difficult to believe that even idiots ever succumbed to such transparent contradictions, to such gaudy processions of mere counter-words, to so vast and obvious a nonsensicalitysentence after sentence that has no apparent meaning at all--stuff quite as bad as the worst bosh of Warren Gamaliel Harding.

He slept more than any other president, whether by day or by night. Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

Wife: a former sweetheart.