Never argue with a man whose job depends on not being convinced.

[Government's] great contribution to human wisdom...is the discovery that the taxpayer has more than one pocket.

A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic passion.

I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more.

Philosophy first constructs a scheme of happiness and then tries to fit the world to it.

Here is one of the fundamental defects of American fiction--perhaps the one character that sets it off sharply from all other known kinds of contemporary fiction. It habitually exhibits, not a man of delicate organization in revolt against the inexplicable tragedy of existence, but a man of low sensibilities and elemental desires yielding himself gladly to his environment, and so achieving what, under a third-rate civilization, passes for success. To get on: this is the aim. To weigh and reflect, to doubt and rebel: this is the thing to be avoided.

I know of no existing nation that deserves to live, and I know of very few individuals.