When a woman says she won't, it's a good sign that she will. And when she says she will, it is an even better sign.

How do they taste? They taste like more.

Everyman is thoroughly happy twice in his life, just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.

Don't tell me what delusion he entertains regarding God, or what mountebank he follows in politics, or what he springs from, or what he submits to from his wife. Simply tell me how he makes his living. It is the safest and surest of all known tests. A man who gets his board and lodging on this ball in an ignominious way is inevitably an ignominious man.

When you sympathize with a married woman you either make two enemies or gain one wife and one friend.

Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.

Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly.