I roll out of my couch every morning with the more agreeable expectations.

There are two impossibilities in life: "just one drink" and "an honest politician."

Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.

The most satisfying and ecstatic faith is almost purely agnostic. It trusts absolutely without professing to know at all.

Democracy turns upon and devours itself. Universal suffrage, in theory the palladium of our liberties, becomes the assurance of our slavery. And that slavery will grow more and more abject and ignoble as the differential birth rate, the deliberate encouragement of mendicancy and the failure of popular education produce a larger and larger mass of prehensile half-wits, and so make the demagogues more and more secure.

The natural tendency of every government is to grow steadily worse-that is, to grow more satisfactory to those who constitute it and less satisfactory to those who support it.

The human race is divided into two sharply differentiated and mutually antagonistic classes: a smal l minority that plays with ideas and is capable of taking them in, and a vast majority that finds them painful, and is thus arrayed against them, and against all who have traffic with them.