Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.

The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.

Complete masculinity and stupidity are often indistinguishable.

I roll out of my couch every morning with the more agreeable expectations.

The smallest atom of truth represents some man's bitter toil and agony; for every ponderable chunk of it there is a brave truth-seeker's grave upon some lonely ash-dump and a soul roasting in hell.

The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.

The only way for a reporter to look at a politician is down.