[Art is] an attempt to escape from life.

The state remains, as it was in the beginning, the common enemy of all well-disposed, industrious and decent men.

In any combat between a rogue and a fool the sympathy of mankind is always with the rogue.

It takes no more actual sagacity to carry on the everyday hawking and haggling of the world, or to ladle out its normal doses of bad medicine and worse law, than it takes to operate a taxicab or fry a pan of fish.

Creator: A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

Christian - One who is willing to serve three Gods, but draws the line at one wife.

The Christian always swears a bloody oath that he will never do it again. The civilized man simply resolves to be a bit more careful next time.