Haste is of the devil. Slowness is of God.

You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

Love begins like a triolet and ends like a college yell.

When you sympathize with a married woman you either make two enemies or gain one wife and one friend.

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

Love, to the inferior man, remains almost wholly a physical matter. The heroine he most admires is the one who offers the grossest sexual provocation; the hero who makes his wife roll her eyes is a perambulating phallus.

Our whole practical government is grounded in mob psychology and the Boobus Americanus will follow any command that promises to make him safer.