Christian - One who is willing to serve three Gods, but draws the line at one wife.

The only time you have a free press is when you own one.

To sum up: 1. The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute. 2. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. 3. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.

Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.

The objection of the scandalmonger is not that she tells of racy doings, but that she pretends to be indignant about them.

Whenever a reporter is assigned to cover a Methodist conference, he comes home an atheist.

The true aim of medicine is not to make men virtuous; it is to safeguard and rescue them from the consequences of their vices. The physician does not preach repentance; he offers absolution.