Religion is "so absurd that it comes close to imbecility."

All the great villainies of history, from the murder of Abel onward, have been perpetrated by sober men, chiefly by Teetotalers.

Next to the semi-colon, quotation marks seem to be the chief butts of reformatory ardor.

The great difficulty about keeping the Ten Commandments is that no man can keep them and be a gentleman.

One yearns unspeakably for a composer who gives out his pair of honest themes, and then develops them unashamed, and then hangs a brisk coda to them, and then shuts up.

The only time you have a free press is when you own one.

Philosophy, as the modern world knows it, is only intellectual club-swinging.