There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness.

I know of no existing nation that deserves to live, and I know of very few individuals.

The music critic, Huneber, could never quite make up his mind about a new symphony until he had seen the composer's mistress.

A skeptic as to all ideas, including especially my own, I have never suffered a pang when the ideas of some other imbecile prevailed.

If there had been any formidable body of cannibals in the country, Harry Truman would have promised to provide them with free missionaries fattened at the taxpayer's expense.

In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell.

The average man never really thinks from end to end of his life. The mental activity of such people is only a mouthing of clichés.