What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense of humor

The acting that one sees upon the stage does not show how human beings comport themselves in crises, but how actors think they ought to. It is thus, like poetry and religion, a device for gladdening the heart with what is palpably not true.

Women in general seem to me to be appreciably more intelligent than men. A great many of them suffer in silence from the imbecilities of their husbands.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.

Popularity--The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.

I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.