If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.

The time must come inevitably when mankind shall surmount the imbecility of religion, as it has surmounted the imbecility of religion's ally, magic. It is impossible to imagine this world being really civilized so long as so much nonsense survives. In even its highest forms religion embraces concepts that run counter to all common sense. It can be defended only by making assumptions and adopting rules of logic that are never heard of in any other field of human thinking.

The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.

The liberation of the human mind has never been furthered by dunderheads; it has been furthered by gay fellows who heaved dead cats into sanctuaries and then went roistering down the highways of the world, proving to all men that doubt, after all, was safe - that the god in the sanctuary was finite in his power and hence a fraud. One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly more intelligent.

The notion that anything is gained by fixing a language in a groove is cherished only by pedants.

Better than the rest of us, they [the Jews] sensed what was ahead for their people.

Henry James would have been vastly improved as a novelist by a few whiffs of the Chicago stockyard.