High-toned humanitarians constantly overestimate the sufferings of those they sympathize with.

To wage a war for a purely moral reason is as absurd as to ravish a woman for a purely moral reason

Man makes love by braggadocio, and woman makes love by listening.

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

When you sympathize with a married woman you either make two enemies or gain one wife and one friend.

[T]he only thing wrong with Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was that it was the South, not the North, that was fighting for a government of the people, by the people and for the people.

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.