The more I think you over, the more it comes home to me what an unmitigated Middle Victorian ass you are!

Writing books is certainly a most unpleasant occupation. It is lonesome, unsanitary, and maddening. Many authors go crazy.

The only time you have a free press is when you own one.

A man is called a good fellow for doing things which, if done by a woman, would land her in a lunatic asylum.

We have had more brilliant Presidents than Cleveland, and one or two who were considerably more profound, but we have never had one, at least since Washington, whose fundamental character was solider and more admirable.

Deep within the heart of every evangelist lies the wreck of a car salesman.

A man who is an agnostic by inheritance, so that he doesn't remember any time that he wasn't, has almost no hatred for the religious.