'SNL' is the first real job I've held for more than a month and a half.

In my hometown of Chicago, I'm kind of a medium deal.

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.

Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, 'Hannibal, why don't you put the napkin in your lap?' Because I believe in myself. I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants 'cause I'm a goddamn adult. And I've mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too and get your life together, that's for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and hand/eye coordination.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

If you want to do anything, you got to go do it. Perform a lot, write a lot, make yourself better. Use the Internet, make videos, create content.

Acting is fun; it's easier than writing, and if you get on a [TV] show, it draws people to your stand-up. That's ultimately what I'd like to do.