I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.

I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

You want to grow where you came up so when you move, you get noticed easier. You can grow in New York but it's better to come here already solid to get your reputation quicker.

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.

I smoke occasionally, but it's not a part of my routine. I mean, I don't need it.