As the book writer for one big smash and one big smelly flop, I always wondered if anyone knows just what goes into making a great musical. When a show is a hit, the critics trip over themselves not knowing who to laud and applaud the loudest. It's that marvelous score, those urbane lyrics, that irreplaceable star. But only when a show is a flop, does anyone notice the book writer. And then it's always our fault.

A child's kiss is magic. Why else would they be so stingy with them?

My play Safe Sex was picked apart because critics thought it was untrue. It was a play in which no one had AIDS, but the characters talked about how it was going to change their lives.

I don't believe in the afterlife, so I do think when somebody passes, it's worthy of note.

Somebody should talk to Dan Quayle and tell him natural blondes don't have dark grey stripes on the sides.

The world is full of more interesting things than my voice.

Beware of anyone who says they know. Trust me, they don't, or they wouldn't have to say they did.