I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

I war not with the dead.

If not yet lost to all the sense of shame.

Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family.

We cannot all hope to combine the pleasing qualities of good looks, brains, and eloquence.

Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is just a dollar away.

After the event, even a fool is wise.