[Richard M. Nixon was] a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad.

People think I watch TV too much, but they are wrong. There is a huge difference between merely "watching" TV and learning to respond aggressively to it. The difference, for most people, is the difference between the living and dying of their own brains.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Rude people will now & then ask me why I think I know so much about Politics. I tell them it's because I'm Smart... But that is a lie: The real reason is because I'm an incurable Gambling addict.

We must have football. What would this country be without football in October?

As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.