It is like sitting in a traffic jam on the San Diego Freeway with your windows rolled up and Portuguese music booming out of the surround-sound speakers while animals gnaw on your neck and diseased bill collectors hammer on your doors with golf clubs.

Children are like TV sets. When they start acting weird, whack them across the head with a big rubber basketball shoe.

Words are such a poor medium when you really want someone to feel something.

I may sound a little black, but I'm really pretty well adjusted.

Sportswriters are a rude and brainless subculture of fascist drunks

It drops us into a vigorous current, a constant state of misguided control. The doomed generation takes a final step forward, ignoring all the signs that state the obvious, and leaps into a trip no drug known to man could ever encompass.

I'll call New York for some cash.