People think I watch TV too much, but they are wrong. There is a huge difference between merely "watching" TV and learning to respond aggressively to it. The difference, for most people, is the difference between the living and dying of their own brains.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop.

I never knew where I was going, but I ripped the tits off of everything that got in my way. By the time they figured me out, it was too late.

February is always a bad month for TV sports. Football is gone, basketball is plodding along in the annual midseason doldrums, and baseball is not even mentioned.

Old God sure was in a good mood when he made this place.

He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer. I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away.