Yesterday I thought about why I felt the need to get up at exactly the same time as the day before and do everything I did the day before. Why? What compels any of us to do the things we do when deep down a part of us just wants to break free from it all?

Parents have this twisted belief that anyone under the age of about twenty simply can’t know what love is, like the age to love is assessed in the same way the law assesses the legal age to drink. They think that the ‘emotional growth’ of a teenager’s mind is too underdeveloped to understand love, to know if it’s ‘real’ or not.

I promise to love you forever in this life and wherever we go in the afterlife, because I know I can't go on in any life unless you're in it too.

But as I stood there dressed in a cute black pants suit and white button-up shirt and heels, I felt completely out of place. Not necessarily because of the clothes, but…I just don’t belong there. I can’t put my finger on it, but that Monday and the rest of that week when I woke up, got dressed and walked into that store, something was itching the back part of my consciousness. I couldn’t hear the actual words, but it felt like: This is your life, Camryn Bennett. This is your life.

There was no logic or any sense of purpose except that I knew I had to do something other than what I was doing, or I might not make it through this.

I don't know myself. I don't know what I want or how I feel or how I should feeland I don't think I ever really have.

Are you in love with me, Camryn Bennett?” … “Not yet,” I say with a smile in my voice, “but I’m getting there.