If you're going to say the Jesus Prayer, at least say it to Jesus, and not to St. Francis and Seymour and Heidi's grandfather all wrapped up in one.

He said I was unequipped to meet life because I had no sense of humor.

It happens to be one of those days when I see everybody in the family, including myself, through the wrong end of a telescope.

I was surrounded by phonies...They were coming in the goddam window.

Make sure you marry someone who laughs at the same things you do.

The catcher in the rye... that's all I really want to be.

Ask her if she still keeps all her kings in the back row.