Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke.

Victory [over homophobia] may require five or maybe 20 years. Yet I have no doubt that "don't ask, don't tell" and same-sex adoption bans will be as unspeakable and inexplicable to my grandchildren as counting a slave as three-fifths of a human being.

A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.

Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness.

A free society, to be truly worthy of that name, owes healthy, competent individuals the right to end their lives on their own terms.

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises.

I can handle being married for my money; it's being married for my life insurance that gives me pause.