I go to my Room and I drink and I smoke some cigarettes and I think about her. I drink and I smoke and I think about her and at a certain point blackness comes and my memory fails me.

And loss of control is always the source of fear. It is also, however, always the source of change.

My wife says I'm only comfortable when there's a fight. And it's true. The thing that motivates me is struggle.

Its not just a smile of momentary happiness. When it disappears from my face, it will stay with me.

Some people think memoirs should be held to a perfect journalistic standard. Some people don't. Obviously I don't. My goal was never to create or to write a perfect journalistic standard of my life. It was always to be as literature.

The afternoon and the early evening slide by in a lidded daze where the ability to think in any identifiable way disappears and where every moment seems to be an eternity.

Love only brought me lonliness and horror.